I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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