I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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