its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
