She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
