K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
