There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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