Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
