Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize