uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
