Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
