There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
