After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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