4 words: hood of his car
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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