Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
