you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
