I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
