Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
