Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
