i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
