My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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