cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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