Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
there's paper in my vomit.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
