How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
