Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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