apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
