I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize