Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
