Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you had me at cake vodka
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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