I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Do vagina's smell?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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