Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
