Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
