omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
