my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
