hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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