your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize