So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
