They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
