whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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