mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
