I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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