Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
