so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
