do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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