she woke up with a sticky ear
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
