i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
