nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
