wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
