oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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