Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I have already put on my inside pants.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
