not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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