Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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