There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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