I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
