when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
