Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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