You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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