If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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