I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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