Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize