It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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