wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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