Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
