and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
