Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
