so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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