he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
