if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
