does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
