my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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